This Week in Fantasy Football

Snuffleupagus, clearly deflated after The Fumble Lateral, had nothing left for their Week 17 third place tilt. And so a once promising season ends with a resounding thud:Ugh

Point Totals (13 games for the first 13 weeks):

Week 17: 88
Week 16: 503.08 (125.77 average in four matchups)
Week 15: 601.57 (120.31 average in five matchups)
Week 14: 1,121.13 (124.57 average in eight matchups)
Week 13: 1,764.85
Week 12: 1,717.19
Week 11: 1,596.24
Week 10: 1,463.92
Week 9: 1,945.66
Week 8: 1,530.35
Week 7: 1,784.45
Week 6: 1,647.91
Week 5: 1,755.15
Week 4: 1,415.19
Week 3: 2,083.02
Week 2: 1,712.94
Week 1: 1,680.25

My 5-9 mark in the postseason is the worst on record:

2014: 0-1 (10-9, .526)
2013: 1-0 (6-7, .462)
2012: 2-0 (12-5, .706)
2011: 1-1 (9-9, .500)

No awards this week. A pointless exercise given the calamity of my only contest.

Lambeau Field update: As I mentioned last week, in the league’s previous 12 seasons I was the only one who has won multiple championships (five). That amazing streak ended on Sunday as Matt Allord ruled the roost once again, defeating Andy Meier in a classic Lambeau Bowl. Congrats to both gentlemen on a fantastic final. The visual evidence:Lambeau Bowl XIII

Matt’s key to the season was this trade he pulled off mere minutes before the deadline:

Blockbuster!By moving a fourth round pick (the first four rounds of our draft are used to select our pre-decided keepers, hence the discrepancy from above) and the enigmatic Dez Bryant to Dave Yazbec, he picked up a solid-signal caller in Drew Brees (19.26 points in the championship game), the wondrous Brandon Marshall (20) and the likely superfluous next season—but fantastically named—Charcandrick West (2) to help win another championship. Plus he got a sixth rounder in return. Very well played.

Confidence

I also partake in a confidence pool. You pick every game every week—straight up not against the point spread—and rank your selections based on how confident you are that they will win. For example, in Week 1 I thought there was no way the Packers would lose to the Bears, so I slotted them in at number 16. Conversely, I thought the Rams would pull the upset of the Seahawks, but in order to hedge my bet I gave them the lowest possible number: one.

Like most competitors in this league I really thought that the better teams—Packers, Patriots, Cardinals, J-E-T-S—would prevail in these essential contests. Clearly I was mistaken:

Week 17

Those paltry seven correct picks earned me 87th place this week. Overall I was much better, finishing 31st (of 135) for the season, 64 points behind the leader. But only one person (Ken Insley) I knew did better than me and—most importantly—I finished five spots and 10 points ahead of the league’s commissioner, John Cuocci. Small victories.

Ketchup!

If you’ve missed any editions of This Week in Fantasy Football, all back issues are now available.

Tweet

My fantasy football dominance will have to wait until next season. But with Opening Day just 85 sunrises from now and the Oscars even sooner, there has never been a better time to follow me on the Twitter: @nicholasjonwood. I promise you won’t regret it.

Thank You

Finally to my loyal readers—thank you! These 17 weekly columns are many things: therapeutic, enlightening, enjoyable and educational—both for me and hopefully those who also partake in this phenomenal (if utterly maddening) game of chance. In the weeks to come I will provide post-mortems for all the fallen teams as well as the lone one, GBG, who took home the title. That will be followed by a season wrap-up, ‘This Year in Fantasy Football’, and then crazy amounts of Oscar coverage before we ease our way into baseball and more political and pop-culture themed essays. Feel free to contact me with any blog suggestions or thoughts on what I should include on this topic when we reconvene next September. It’s been a wild ride—already plotting my fantasy dominance for next season!

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